The Longest Story

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 The man who had hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia (fear of long words) was having a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (a made-up word meaning fantastic, popularized by Mary Poppins) day until his doctor diagnosed him with pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (the longest word in English, a lung disease caused by breathing in very fine volcanic or silica dust).When his doctor said the very long word, he was not feeling very eellogofusciouhipoppokunurious (a humorous/silly word meaning good or fine).Then his doctor went on to tell him that the man had pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism (a disorder that resembles hypoparathyroidism but is not exactly the same). At this point the man was feeling very floccinaucinihilipilification (the act of considering something as worthless) about the whole situation when none other than the devil appeared before him. The devil was wearing a leather jacket that said 666 on it. It was at this moment that the man realized that he had hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia (fear of the number 666). The man fainted on the spot, and the doctor carried him away on a stretcher. While this was going on, the devil was ranting about antidisestablishmentarianism (a political stance opposing the separation of church and state) and how churches are just a horrible waste of a perfectly spectrophotofluorometrically (relating to the measurement of fluorescence or light) sunny Sunday morning. He said that he, the devil, was much more honorificabilitudinitatibus (the state of being able to receive honors) than God himself. At this moment the man woke up and exploded like a firecracker. He was screaming at the devil about how there is no one greater than God himself. The doctor then calmed the man down and lectured him with his psychoneuroendocrinological (relating to how the mind, nervous system, and hormones interact) knowledge about how yelling is bad for him. The man eventually shut up. He then asked for a cup of water. The doctor had a cup ready, but what he didn’t know was that the devil, who had suddenly disappeared, had made the water hydrochlorofluorocarbon (a dangerous industrial chemical), making it deadly to drink. The man unknowingly drank it and after just a few minutes, threw up. He threw up for hours upon hours, and when he finally stopped, the doctor got an opportunity to see what was wrong with the man. After a bit of poking around, he realized that the man had laryngotracheobronchitis (inflammation of the larynx, trachea, and bronchi). Hearing this, the man was disproportionableness (extreme imbalance or overreaction). Then the doctor said that the only way to fix it was through thyroparathyroidectomy (surgery to remove the thyroid and parathyroid glands). The man felt counterrevolutionaries (strong internal resistance or opposition) but realized it was his only chance to live. He agreed. After the surgery, the doctor checked the microspectrophotometries (very precise light-measuring tests) of the man, and everything looked good except for a bit of dichlorodifluoromethane (a colorless refrigerant gas) stuck in his lungs. The doctor subcompartmentalated (divided into smaller compartments) the man’s body and took the colorless gas out. The man went through deinstitutionalization (release from medical or institutional care) but after everything, he was feeling better than ever. He did an electroencephalography (a test that measures brain activity) and was shown to be the smartest man ever. This lifted his spirits. Finally, after all that he had gone through, he was happy. He became a psychoneuroimmunologist (a scientist who studies how the mind, nervous system, and immune system interact) and wrote children’s books using various examples of anthropomorphization (giving human traits to animals or objects).


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